Men like me are not always considered as “fit” or strong. However, they have a good physique, which makes them attractive to women. Men like me are often seen walking around with their heads down and looking very tired when they meet new people. They usually don’t want to make any effort so they end up being socially awkward and seem unapproachable to others.
The reason why guys like me tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations is because they lack confidence. Confidence is essential for anyone to be able to perform well in any situation.
If you’re lacking confidence, then it means that your self-esteem isn’t high enough. You need to get yourself into a positive mindset if you want to improve your life and become more confident.
Confident people are able to do anything they set their mind towards doing without hesitation or worry about failure. A person who lacks confidence will usually hesitate to take action.
They may even fear making mistakes, but once they start performing, they’ll overcome these fears and succeed.
In order to build up your confidence level, you need to work out regularly. Regular exercise helps increase physical strength and stamina, as well as mental focus and concentration.
Regular exercise improves overall health and reduces stress levels in general.
Most importantly, regular exercise can help you get in the best shape of your life, which will increase your confidence level by leaps and bounds. With this increased confidence, you will be able to talk to others more easily and be able to participate in social gatherings with much more ease.
You will also feel less self-conscious about your body, so you’ll naturally start to hold your head up high and stand up straight.
Here are a few reasons why exercise is so important for those of us who are lacking in the confidence department:
1. You become healthier and stronger.
2. You become more focused and have better concentration.
3. You become more energized and don’t get tired as quickly.
4. Your social anxiety decreases, as you feel more comfortable interacting with others.
5. You will have more success in all of your endeavors.
6. You feel better about yourself and how you look.
The best types of exercise to do to improve confidence are aerobic exercises that get the heart rate going and keep it up for a long period of time. Running is one of the most popular types of exercise.
Walking is also good for relaxing and clearing the mind. A workout machine called the elliptical trainer can also be a great source of low-impact exercise.
Swimming is another great way to get in shape and improve confidence. It puts little stress on the joints and most swimmers will probably agree that it’s the perfect form of exercise because it’s both relaxing and energizing at the same time.
Some people like to combine both weight training and cardio exercises for optimal results. The important thing is to find a way to get active on a regular basis.
When you do, you’ll feel less self-conscious, more confident, and live a healthier lifestyle on all levels.
Once you’re in shape, then it’s time to start thinking about some strategies that can help you succeed with women.
Here are some strategies that you can implement right now:
1. Wear clothes that are appropriate for your body type.
If you’re a little overweight, don’t wear skin-tight clothing. It will just make you look like a stuffed sausage.
2. Lose weight if you’re overweight.
Don’t worry; with some exercise and dieting, it’s completely possible to shed unwanted pounds and get in better shape.
3. Go out and buy a new wardrobe.
Get some classy fashionable clothes that you feel good wearing. You should find that dressing better makes you feel more confident in general.
4. When you go out on a date or to a social function, wear clothes that are appropriate for that event.
For example, if you’re going to a nice restaurant, wear a collared shirt and pants instead of wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
5. If you’re out and about running errands, dress in a way that will help you feel comfortable.
If you’re going to be doing a lot of physical labor, then it probably isn’t a good idea to wear a pair of shorts and flip-flops!
6. If you’re accustomed to dressing one way and finding it difficult to take the next step and change your wardrobe, start small.
For example, if you always wear a t-shirt and jeans, switch up the t-shirt every couple of days. Wear a different color or design every few days and eventually you’ll have a nice wardrobe of t-shirts that you can choose from.
Regardless of what you wear, remember to always be confident in your choices. If you don’t feel comfortable wearing something, then don’t wear it even if everyone else is doing it!
Find your own style and own it.
These are just some basic tips that you can start implementing today. Remember: Having the right look is 50% of what it takes to improve your success with women.
The other 50% is going to come from your attitude and how you carry yourself.
That’s a whole different story, so let’s get on to the tips that will show you how to improve your success through positive thinking and self-confidence!
Chapter 3. Tips to Improve Your Success With Women
In the last chapter, I gave you a short list of clothing tips that will help you improve your look and give off a better first impression to women.
Those are just general guidelines that are going to be effective in most situations. In this chapter I’m going to go into more specific techniques that you can use both on a daily basis as well as during an intimate encounter with a woman you’re interested in.
Remember: The first step towards turning your dating life around begins with your physical appearance. If you’re not happy with the way you look, it’s going to project a negative aura that is going to undermine everything you do.
Once you master these skills, you will notice a positive change in your love life. You may even need to adjust some of these techniques to fit your own personal preferences.
For example, not everyone is a fan of the “Neg” technique mentioned later on. You might prefer to use other types of humor that get the same point across. Either way, these tips will give you the foundation you need to get started on re-creating your success with women.
Tip #1: Dress for Success
As I’ve already mentioned, this is the first thing people notice about you.
Why not make it a good first impression?
If you’re not sure of what to wear in certain situations, follow this guideline: “Would I be comfortable in this outfit if I was meeting with a millionaire?”
This is a great rule of thumb because, first of all, you always want to present yourself as if you are already successful, even when you’re just starting out. It’s always better to under-dress than over-dress, especially when you’re first starting out and don’t have a lot of wardrobe.
There is actually some psychology behind this. People want to conform, and we tend to trust people that are like us.
So if you dress in a similar fashion as the people you’re trying to meet, you’ll find that you’ll be able to relate to them better, which will make it easier for you to connect.
Of course, there may be times when you need to dress up a little more for an occasion. If you do decide to dress up, make sure you’re not over-dressed.
You don’t want to be the nerd wearing a suit to a high school reunion.
Tip #2: Carry Yourself with Confidence
People can tell a lot about your personality and character simply by the way you carry yourself. When you walk into a room, you should exude a certain level of confidence.
Confidence is one of those traits that people are instantly drawn to. It makes people trust you and want to be around you.
When you’re confident, you also come across as self- assured and trustworthy to others. This is important because, in order to succeed with women, you need your potential partner to trust you right off the bat.
One of the easiest ways to appear more confident is by simply changing your posture. When you walk, stand, or sit up straight, you appear more sure of yourself and more people are going to be attracted to you.
Now I’m not saying you should walk around all stiff and upright like a soldier. This isn’t the military, after all.
However, standing up straight and simply pulling your shoulders back can make a huge difference in how you’re perceived. This is the perfect way to practice good body language.
Tip #3: Own Your Space
Just as it’s important to OWN the conversation, it’s also important to own the space around you. This means you need to occupy more physical space when you talk with someone.
This is great for several reasons. The first being it shows that you’re comfortable with yourself and the situation.
People tend to feel more comfortable around others who are at ease.
You also come across as more dominant and confident, which we’ve already talked about. This is especially useful for when you’re talking to attractive women, as it lets them know from the start that you’re not a potential mate.
Imagine you’re in a crowded party surrounded by people. There’s a lot of bodies occupying the same space.
Now, think of a person who’s comfortable in that environment. They’re moving around freely without fear of bumping into others, and they’re occupying more space than necessary.
Now think of someone who’s less comfortable in that environment. They’re probably hovering near the walls, not moving around too much, and trying to occupy as little space as possible.
Which one are you?
Take yourself for example.
When you’re out at a bar, club, or party, how do you act? Are you moving around a lot, talking with ease, and occupying as much space as possible? Or are you hovering near the walls, not talking to anyone, and trying not to get in anyone’s way?
Be the person in the second example. Be the one who owns the space around them.
Pretend you’re trying to get someone to notice you in a crowded bar. You’re more likely to get a bartender’s attention if you’re standing near the middle of the bar, rather than the side.
Tip #4: Make Eye Contact and Create Physical Contact
I’ve saved the best for last.
The most important thing you can do that most people don’t is make eye contact and create physical contact when talking with someone.
Many people are afraid of looking directly at someone else, let alone creating physical contact. Yet, this is one of the best ways to show that you’re interested in someone else.
For example, let’s say you see a woman you’re interested in. You make brief eye contact with her before looking away.
If you were to stare at her for too long, she might think you’re creepy or doing something wrong. By making brief eye contact, you show that you’re interested, but not in an overly creepy way.
Now, it’s one thing to make brief eye contact. It’s quite another to go over and talk to her.
If you do this without creating physical contact, it can easily come off as awkward and creepy. By creating physical contact right away, however, you let her know that you’re interested in her in a romantic way.
This is why it’s important to touch someone you’re talking to. It lets them know of your intentions without saying the words.
Unfortunately, most people don’t make enough physical contact when speaking with others, much less attractive people. This is why it can be creepy if you do it at the wrong time.
If you touch someone you just met, especially an attractive person, it can be seen as pushy or even aggressive. You have to be able to read the person you’re talking to and adjust your touch based on their reaction.
For example, if you’re talking to someone and they move closer, or touch you back, you can touch them as well. If they move away, or are stiff when you touch them, then don’t touch them anymore.
The same applies if you’ve already been touching them. Stop touching them if they seem uncomfortable.
I’m sure you’re now thinking, “This all sounds great in theory, but I don’t know how to do it!” That’s why we have examples.
Let’s look at the three different types of eye contact and physical contact.
Making Eye Contact
The first type of eye contact you can make is a glance. This is where you briefly look at someone without turning your head.
This shows that you’re paying attention to them, but not in an aggressive way.
The next type of eye contact is a stare. This should be used sparingly.
You don’t want to be staring at someone for the entire time you’re talking to them. You can, however, use it at the beginning when you first approach someone or if you need to gain their attention.
Finally, we have the type of eye contact that most people are trying to avoid: the lingering eye contact.
Sources & references used in this article:
Entry into elite sport: A preliminary investigation into the transition experiences of rookie athletes by MW Bruner, KJ Munroe-Chandler… – Journal of applied sport …, 2008 – Taylor & Francis
Spirituality & sport: Consulting the Christian athlete by MJ Mosley, F Desiree’J, Y Cheng… – The Sport …, 2015 – journals.humankinetics.com
The Christian-athlete: An interactionist-developmental analysis by CL Stevenson – Sociology of Sport Journal, 1991 – journals.humankinetics.com