How to Get Massive, According to the Movies (HMWAM)
The Hollywood Muscle Show is one of the most popular annual events in Los Angeles. It’s held at a resort called “El Rey” which means “the rose”. There are many celebrities that attend HSM, but only a few actually compete in it. Most of them just show up for photo ops with their fans or they perform a song or two.
However, there are some stars that actually compete in the show. These include Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and many others.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was once considered to be a very good bodybuilder back in his prime. But then he had a bad car accident which caused him to lose weight rapidly and became extremely skinny. Nowadays he looks like a cross between a pudgy old man and an obese person!
In order to make himself look even slimmer, he takes a steroid called Anavar. This drug causes your body to produce more growth hormone and other hormones. So when Arnold Schwarzenegger does his routine, he produces a lot of watery fluid from his skin glands and sweat glands. His muscles swell up so much that they appear almost balloon-like!
This makes him look even bigger than before!
Tom Cruise has been known to use steroids too. But unlike most steroid-users, he doesn’t take them to make himself look muscular. Instead, he takes a muscle relaxer called Xanax because it helps him to reduce his anxiety (fear) before the competition begins. He says that he feels so anxious before every competition that he sometimes throws up!
But despite all of this mind-game that Tom puts himself through, he still looks great during his routines. It’s amazing how attractive he is when he dances. There can be no man as attractive as Tom!
Are you ready for your own transformation from “regular joe” into a big hollywood action-star like the celebrities mentioned above?
Then let’s get started!
Are you ready to transform?
Let’s do this!
1) Get a Good Agent
Before you sign up for any acting classes, you should get a good agent first. These people are your liaison to the acting industry. They can get you auditions for movies and TV shows that are in production.
The best way to get on their list is to send them a video of yourself performing a monologue in front of a plain background. Don’t do it on your phone though, it has to be done professionally. A good example is what Ron Perlman did when he wanted to become an actor. He sent out hundreds of tapes like that and eventually landed a role on “Beauty and the Beast”.
2) Join a Gym
Now that you’re all signed up with an agent, it’s time to get rid of that spare tire around your waist. The first order of business is to join a gym with high-class equipment. Preferably one with a pool and a sauna as well. These places aren’t cheap, but the monthly fee will be worth it when you start getting movie roles.
There are many hardcore gyms in your area. Gold’s, World Gym and EAS are just a few examples. Once you join one of these places, you’ll need to schedule an appointment with a personal trainer. They’ll be able to help you set up a routine that matches your skill level.
Try to do something every day even if it’s just for 30 minutes. Not only will exercise improve your stamina, but it’ll also help you lose weight as well. And don’t eat a heavy meal before you go either, just drink some water and maybe do some light stretching beforehand.
3) Download an Appetite Suppressant
There is a catch-22 when it comes to weight loss: in order to lose weight, you have to eat less. But in order to eat less, your body has to be starved of nutrients. It’s a difficult cycle to get out of and most people never succeed. But there is a way you can prevent hunger pains and that’s with a pill called Aplenzin.
It may seem sketchy to take pills to lose weight, but in this case it’s acceptable because it’s just vitamins and stuff. A lot of celebs take this and similar products to make themselves feel full after only eating a little bit. You can find this product at most drug stores, but you might want to buy it online from sites like Amazon.
4) Get a Trainer
If you don’t work out with a trainer at the gym, then you’re doing it wrong. These people can help you get the most out of your routine and make sure that you’re using good form while lifting. Not only will you get jacked in no time, but you’ll also prevent yourself from getting injured.
If you’re really feeling lazy, you can also hire a personal trainer to come to your house and work out with you there. You might feel embarrassed at first, but it’s better than not working out at all because you don’t want other people to see you.
5) Join a Acting Class
Learning lines is one of the most difficult aspects about being an actor.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just learn them automatically?
You can with the help of a technique known as method acting. This method was pioneered by a famous Russian actor named Constantin Stanislavski. He comes from a long line of actors that begin with his grandfather and goes all the way down to his grandson, also named Constantin Stanislavski.
In semester one of this class, you’ll learn about the history of acting and specifically method acting. Next semester is when you’ll apply what you learned by doing weekly scenes from famous plays. This class might be the one that finally pushes you over the edge and helps you get that leading role you’ve always wanted.
6) Get a New Agent
Your agent at CSA hasn’t been getting you many auditions recently, so maybe it’s time to fire her and get someone else. There are dozens of reputable talent agencies in Hollywood, so finding a new one shouldn’t be too difficult.
When you meet with them, make sure that they offer you advice on more than just movies and TV shows. Talent agents also sign models, singers, and even amateur comedy acts. Getting signed to a big agency can really boost your career so it’s well worth the couple extra meetings it’ll take to find the right one.
7) Talk to Your Dad
You haven’t spoken to your father since he threw you out of the house last Christmas. He left you a voicemail last month saying he wants to reconnect and even invited you to Thanksgiving, but you haven’t returned his call.
You’re hesitant to speak with him because you don’t want to retread old ground. It would be great to just move past what happened and have a good relationship with your dad, but you just don’t know if that’s possible. At the very least, you’ll probably want to get some anger management therapy before seeing him again.
8) Record a Comedy Album
You’ve been doing stand-up at the Laugh Factory once a week for almost a year.
You’ve gotten pretty good feedback from the audience and the club’s owner, so why not take the next step?
Recording a comedy album can be a hit or miss affair, but there’s no way you’re going to find out if you don’t try. Having a recorded proof of your humor could even help you land bigger acting jobs down the road.
9) Go on a Date with Someone from Class
Attending acting classes forces you to spend six hours a week with a group of people who you never would’ve met otherwise. One of those people is bound to be attractive and available.
The next time you’re all together, try to break the ice by asking someone for the homework assignment. From there, it should be pretty easy to figure out how to ask him or her out. As long as you don’t bomb during the audition, this should be a slam dunk.
10) Start a Blog
This is 2013– The internet is a great way to get your name out there as a celebrity. Between social media and blogging, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a presence.
Most blogs are simple platforms for people to express their opinions, but given your extensive vocabulary, you should try to take a more journalistic approach. Whether it be writing about your opinions on popular culture or reviewing the latest movies, your thoughts can really stand out from the crowd. Just don’t forget to update it on a regular basis!
This has been a lot to think about. Once you make a decision, there’s no going back. You’re going to need some time to process everything, so you head down to the beach for a long walk and some serious contemplation…
1) You finally reach the beach when it’s just starting to get dark.
You take off your shoes and wade in the surf as you think back on everything that’s happened over the past year.
You went from being a regular college student to a wanted man at the turn of the New Year. It was all because of that fateful voicemail you ignored while at a Christmas party. No one could’ve possibly known it would lead to such a disastrous chain of events, and the only person who is responsible is the man who did this to you, Will!
Now that you know what happened, the next question is…
What are you going to do about it?
a) Get revenge on Will by yourself no matter what.
b) Get revenge on Will by yourself no matter what. Even if that means letting the police know what happened.
c) Forget about Will and move on with your life. You’ve got bigger problems right now!
2) Once you reach the ferry terminal, you board the next boat back to Long Beach.
You’re starving so you head to a taco truck for some sustenance.