My Name Is Valerie, And I May Be Sexist (But I’m Working on It)

My name is Valerie and I may be sexist, but I am working on it.

I have been married to my husband for almost 15 years now. We met when we were both students at the same university in our early twenties.

At first we dated each other casually until one night he asked me out on a date. After much consideration, I agreed because I was still so new to dating men and didn’t want to get hurt again if things did not work out with him. I had no idea what a jerk he would turn out to be.

After our date, I went back home and spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out how I felt about him. During this time, he continued to call me constantly asking me where we could go on our next date.

When I told him that we needed to do something different than just going out, he got angry and accused me of being too clingy. “You’re really good at reading someone,” he said. “If you weren’t so clingy, I wouldn’t have been able to tell.”

He then proceeded to ask me out on a second date, which I declined because I knew that if we broke up right away after our first date, it would probably be hard for us to get back together. But he insisted that we keep talking and see where things took us from there.

I thought it was a little strange that he was so interested in me after just one date, but I also thought it would not hurt to explore the relationship a little further. It turned out that there were other red flags that I should have noticed.

The next time I spoke to him, he sounded even angrier with me. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to reject me after all that we have been through,” he said.

Do you know how many girls would love to be in your position right now?”

If I had been younger and more naïve at that time, I might have let his hateful words get to me and even cry over them. Fortunately, I’m not that person anymore. I knew in my heart that he had no idea what he was talking about and his comments were only a reflection of his own insecurities. If he could not handle the thought of not being in control over every aspect of the relationship, then it would be better for me if I just ended things with him now.

After that conversation, I blocked his phone number and moved on with my life. I did not even try to get back together with him, not even for closure.

My Name Is Valerie, And I May Be Sexist (But I’m Working on It) - Picture

I just needed to get him out of my life completely because he was obviously very toxic.

After that bad experience, I decided that it would be best if I just stayed single for a while and worked on myself before trying to date someone else seriously. After all, I only get one life and I should live it to the fullest.

Sources & references used in this article:

‘I wouldn’t say it’s sexism, except that… It’s all these little subtle things’: Healthcare scientists’ accounts of gender in healthcare science laboratories by V Bevan, M Learmonth – Social Studies of Science, 2013 –

Whose desire? Lesbian (non) sexuality and television’s perpetuation of hetero/sexism by DM Hantzis, V Lehr – Queer words, queer images …, 1994 –

Sex, power and pedagogy by V Walkerdine – The Screen Education Reader, 1993 – Springer

Working the hyphens by M Fine – Handbook of qualitative research. Thousand Oaks, CA …, 1994 –

” We need a theoretical base”: Cynthia Rich, Women’s Studies, and Ageism by VB Lipscomb – NWSA Journal, 2006 – JSTOR

Female fandom: Identity, sexism, and men’s professional football in England by KW Jones – Sociology of sport journal, 2008 –