Patrick McCarty

Patrick McCarty was born on April 24th, 1966 in New York City. He graduated from Stuyvesant High School where he played football and basketball. He attended Columbia University, but dropped out after one semester because he didn’t like the campus environment. After dropping out of college, Patrick went back home to New Jersey where he worked at a local pizza place called “The Little Red Hen” before moving into music full time.

He started writing songs when he was 15 years old. His first album, “Pizza Boy”, came out in 2001. He released another album called “Little Red Hen” in 2003 which included the hit song “I’m Not Your Hero”.

In 2005, Patrick made his debut with a solo concert tour called “The Pizza Man Tour”. The show featured performances of his original material along with covers of other artists’ work such as Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin'” and Bob Dylan’s “Like A Rolling Stone”. In 2006, he released his second album entitled “Pizza Boy II: The Great American Rap Album” which featured a variety of new songs including some collaborations with other musicians.

In 2007, he released his third album titled “Pizza Boy III: Live At The Comedy Store” which contained a mix of new tracks and reworked versions of older ones.

In the late 2000s, just having released his fourth album “Pizza Boy: The Album” and a special edition re-release of his first album, he took a break from active music recording, focusing more on his stand-up comedy. In 2012, he returned to music with his first single in six years titled “Comeback Kid”.

Patrick married his girlfriend of 4 years Claire on February 28th, 2015.

He has been a lifetime fan of the New York Yankees and Pizza Hut.

He has a pet dog who recently passed away. He owned a cat named Whiskers who died in 2009.

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Patrick considers himself a “lifelong democrat”. He has been outspoken about his views and has mentioned in several interviews of his disappointment in the current administration and president. He is a vocal atheist and critic of religion.

Patrick didn’t have the easiest upbringing and worked at a pizzeria as a teenager, but this hasn’t stopped him from achieving his goals. More than 30 million people (and counting! ) have seen him perform live.

He has been able to release 4 studio albums in his career, not too bad for a kid from New Jersey who still loves the New York Yankees. He has a wife named Claire and he still owns the same cat named Whiskers.

Patrick McCarty is just an average guy who has been blessed with a talent for writing songs and performing them for people to enjoy. His main focus in life is his career as a musician, but in his spare time he enjoys watching sports, playing golf, and spending time with his wife.

Thank you for taking the time to learn a little about this New Jersey Musician, now let’s take a listen to one of his most popular songs!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Blast Off!

“Welcome to Major Tom”

Featured Track: “Major Tom (Coming Home)”

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I float in the ocean

I drown in the sea

I look up through the water

See you move away from me

Somewhere up above me

You’re with out a doubt the love of my life

And this void that is in my heart

Will forever and always be empty until I see you again

But that won’t happen again

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Until we meet once more in outer space

Until we meet once more, up in the stars

When we will be equal and things will be fine

Now I float in the ocean

I drown in the sea, as you move away from me

Well I look up through the water

And see you move away from me, but someday…


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We’ll meet once more in the stars

We’ll meet once more, up in the stars

As the bass line fades into the distance and I prepare to drift off to sleep, all I can think about is how much I miss Claire. She’s been away for so long now, I sometimes wonder if she’ll ever return to be by my side. The last time I saw her was almost two years ago on our anniversary.

She promised that she would see me on my birthday this year, but now it’s been two months since then and she still hasn’t shown up.

I’m such an idiot for falling in love.

Why the hell did I have to go and fall in love?

It’s not like it does me any good. It’s not like I even get to be with the one I love. I haven’t seen Claire since we attended our high school graduation together. That was four years ago, and it feels like it was an eternity ago.

It’s times like this when I really hate my job. Sure, being a Major Tom is a pretty sweet gig, but sometimes the loneliness just gets to be too much to bear. It doesn’t help that I’m trapped out in space with nothing to look at but the inside of this cramped compartment.

I try to keep myself occupied with the various knobs and dials that are placed in front of me, but nothing beats the view from the cockpit window. As I gaze longingly at the stars, I realize that this is the closest I’ll ever be to actually touching them. Sure, I’ve got the best seat in the house for the greatest show ever, but I’ll never get the chance to walk among the cosmos.

If I tried to exit this vessel, I’d be blown into so many pieces that the paramedics would need a shovel to identify what was left of me.

I hear a tapping on my helmet and look up to see that it’s starting to rain. Looking out the window, I can see that we’re approaching one of those floating techno-cities I’ve heard so much about on the news. This is where I’m supposed to meet up with my client, but it’s so gloomy and stormy that I can’t even see the city.

The only thing visible is a massive blimp parked alongside the port where I’m scheduled to dock. As I get closer, a bright light blinds me as a voice echoes from a speaker…

“Welcome to Tomorrow-Land!”

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Great, it’s the freakin’ circus.

“Uh… I’m not here for the circus.

I’m here to meet my client,” I say, trying to peer through the light.

“You’ve already met him!”

What the heck is this? Is this some kind of joke?

“I’m not joking around. Take me to my client or you’re going to be in big trouble.”

“Oh no! We’re in big trouble! There’s a bomb on board!”

Shit. This guy’s for real. I’m starting to get really freaked out.

What kind of idiot would build a bomb on a space port?

I realize now that this guy is just trying to mess with me, but if he keeps this up, he might just get us both killed.

“I’m not falling for that. This is some kind of sick joke. I’m leaving,” I say, trying to get past the blinding light.

“No you can’t! You have to deactivate the bomb first!”

What the heck…

Before I can reach the exit, the doors suddenly shut and I can’t get out. The blinding light has disappeared, but now I’m trapped. I try everything I can think of to open the door, but nothing works.

Why does this always happen to me?

“Let me out of here!”

I hear a chuckle from the speakers. It’s the circus clown again. I can hear him fiddling with the controls on his end, then he comes back on.

Patrick McCarty - Picture

“You’ll have to deactivate the bomb first.”

Why are you doing this?”

I ask, desperation creeping into my voice.

“It’s very simple. I’m a sadist.”

Great, not just a sadist… A smart one.

“The only way you’re getting out of this spacecraft is if you deactivate the bomb.”

With no other option, I start looking for the bomb. It doesn’t take long to find it, it’s the biggest thing in here. The screen that’s attached to it displays a timer set at thirty minutes.

It would appear my client is serious about this.

“You better hurry up, the clock is ticking!”

The voice emanating from the speaker sounds almost gleeful about this. I can’t worry about that right now though, I need to focus on finding a way out of this mess. As I examine the bomb, I notice that it has several sockets where wires, or whatever, are inserted.

The bomb has four different connectors, each with different-colored wires. The wires are yellow, red, green, and blue.

I’ve never been good with mechanical things. The closest thing I’ve ever had to a bomb in my life is a firecracker, and that only happened once. I never was very good with those either.

My sister was the type to make bombs out of ant hills, but I don’t think those count either…

Patrick McCarty - Picture

Wait a minute! I know this! It’s so obvious!

Why didn’t I think of this before?

I remember this from my high school chem lab. This is just like Balancing Chemical Equation.

I got this!

When it comes to balancing a chemical equation, you must make the numbers on each side equal to each other. The number of atoms of each element in the chemical formula must be equal for the reaction to be balanced.

Yep, this is just like that. There are only two colors of wire that matter: green and yellow. All I have to do is match up the numbers and balance them on each side of the equation.

Okay, let’s see…

Wire color | Amount of Wires

Green | 2 Yellow | 3

The left side has two wires with green insulation and three wires with yellow insulation. The right side only has three wires in all.

The green and yellow wires have to be connected to each other, which means the other wires will be cut away.

That’s easy enough.

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Now for the harder part: I need to reconnect the red, blue, and black wires to each other…

What goes where?

I look around the bomb in attempt to find some hint about what goes where, but there’s nothing here but a countdown timer. It would appear my client wants me to guess.

I start to panic as I contemplate what to do. The countdown on the screen slowly dwindles from thirty minutes…

to twenty-nine… to twenty-eight…

I’ve got nothing. I’m screwed. I’m not good with things like this.

Maybe, if I was smarter, I could guess correctly.

But, what choice do I have?

The odds are already stacked against me. Maybe I can guess correctly.

I don’t really have a choice here…

My sister is all alone in the world right now. She needs me. It’s apparent that she’ll have to take care of herself for a while.

Who knows how long I’ll be gone?

It’s not fair to her, but then again, life isn’t always fair. She’d probably tell me to just go save myself and leave the bomb if I was here. That’s what I’m going to do.

I choose an option:

I didn’t really have a choice. It was either this, or both of us die.

I’m sorry, sis…

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I reconnect the wires to their respective colors:

Green | 2

Yellow | 3

The screen then changes: WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

I don’t understand.

Did I do something wrong? Am I supposed to connect different wires?

It’s already too late to go back and fix it. The countdown has already reached zero.

The bomb has now been armed. What was supposed to happen, has now happened. I don’t know what’s going to happen now.

I enter my name when prompted:

Kelso Price

The screen then instructs me to put the wired bomb into my bag and walk through the metal detector when it lights up. After doing so, I pick up my bag and look through it to find that nothing is there but the wires of the bomb. It’s not even a real bomb.

It’s a dud.

What was all that about?

The door opens and I leave the room. A man with a mustache is waiting for me.


Kelso Price?”

he asks.


“I’m Special Agent McCray, FBI.” he says, flashing his badge at me. “You are not under arrest. You are free to go. However, if you do not comply with the demands given to you by my partner in the next room, you will be charged with withholding evidence and obstruction of justice. This is your only warning. Do not follow him.”

What the hell is this?”

I ask. “I thought I had to put a bomb together.”

“No, sir. That was just to see if you would comply with our instructions. Now, please return to your seat while I escort your sister back to the viewing room.

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I assure you, she is fine and was never in any danger. I would also advise you to not discuss what has happened here. It is still classified. Have a nice day, sir.”

He opens the door to the viewing room and signals for me to follow him. I walk past him and see my sister, watching TV.

“It’s over, sis.” I say. “Let’s go home.

The movie’s over.

We leave the room and the two FBI agents are standing there. Once they see us, they turn around and walk towards the other end of the hall. They go into a door that leads to a stairway.

A moment later, an alarm blasts through the hallways. Red lights start spinning and a voice commands everyone to immediate leave and/or retreat to the bunker.

People start running in all directions. My sister is frightened by all of this and clings onto me. We try to leave, but the main entrance has been blocked by all the people trying to get out.

I look around and see a set of doors that say “Fire Exit” on them. I’ve seen enough movies to know that this is usually how they always exit buildings in an emergency.

I pick up my sister and push through the crowd to the door. We manage to get to the door without being stepped on and I open it with a struggle.

I run down the stairs and nearly trip and fall. I see the two FBI agents at the bottom of the staircase. They have their guns drawn and are aiming them at someone in front of them.

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I try to look past them, but they’re blocking my view.

“Come on!” one of them shouts at me.

I step forward and see a man, kneeling on the floor with his hands behind his head.


the man asks.

It’s him. It’s really him. He’s alive.

“It’s a clone,” the FBI agent says. “It doesn’t matter if you killed it. There are plenty more.

Now, put your gun to your head and follow orders for once.”

I look at the kneeling figure, trying to see any difference from the real deal. He looks like my father. He sounds like my father.

He even smells like him.

How am I supposed to pull the trigger?

“It’s me, Kelso,” he says. “I promise.”

He looks at me with my father’s eyes. His stare is one of desperation and sorrow. I can feel his pain, his fear.

Is this real? Or has the government done something horrible again?

I don’t know what to do.

“Kelso, don’t,” my sister says.

“Shut up,” the agent behind me snaps.

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“Kelso!” my father shouts. “Shoot!”

I squeeze the trigger.


His head snaps back and his body falls to the ground. I see blood dripping from his mouth. My ears start to ring.

I can’t hear anything else. The ringing continues as I stand there, not knowing what to do. The FBI agents rush past me and check the body. One of them pulls out a thermometer and checks the temperature of the corpse. After a brief moment, he speaks into his walkie-talkie.

“This is Special Agent Miller. Target has been eliminated. The rest of you can stand down.”

Several moments after he says that, the ringing in my ears starts to go away. I can hear the sounds of the outside world again. A few seconds later and the rest of the world starts slowing down to normal speed again.

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The FBI agents pack up their gear and start to walk out of the building. I stand there, staring at the dead body of my father. My sister is still in shock.

“Kelso, let’s go,” one of the agents says.

I look back at him and see the plastic, emotionless eyes of a man whose idea of justice comes from a book titled ‘FBI Procedure Manual.’ I want to hate him. I want to hate all of them.

They took my father away from me. All I wanted was a chance to say goodbye.

Was that really too much to ask for?

“Kelso, it’s time to go,” my sister says.

I look over at her. Her expression is still one of shock, but it’s slowly changing. Soon, it’ll turn into anger and she’ll seek vengeance.

I don’t want to be around for that. I look back at the FBI agent and see the same cruel hand of fate that drove me to kill my own father. It’s time to leave. It’s time to leave all of this behind me. It’s time to go back to school.

“I’m ready,” I say with a nod.

The FBI agent nods back and we leave.

It’s time to move on…

I was never arrested for killing my father. The FBI agents just told me that I’d done the right thing and then whisked me off to a motel to spend one night. The next morning, they brought me here, to the local high school.

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I didn’t have a lot of personal effects to take with me, but they did give me back the few items that I did have: my lucky coin, the golden bracelet and the engagement ring. They didn’t say much to me, just told me I was going to a “safe place.”

I didn’t ask any questions. I didn’t want to know anything. All I wanted to do was get out of there and try to put the pieces back together.

The only problem is, I don’t even know where the pieces begin and where they end. My life is just one big jigsaw puzzle and I don’t have the box cover to help me piece it together…

I look at the ring for a moment and then place it back into its velvet pouch, which I then place in my pocket. I think about what to say to Tina when she wakes up. I still care about her and I don’t want that to end, but I also can’t be with someone who has such a powerful hold over me.

I need freedom in my life.

I reach under my pillow and pull out a coin. I look at it for a moment, recalling all the times over the past month that I looked at it under similar circumstances. I take a deep breath and…

…I flip the coin. I look at the result and feel a slight sense of relief when I see the outcome.

Although, maybe I’m just deluding myself. Either way, I feel that it’s for the best…

The engagement is broken and life goes on.

Sources & references used in this article:

Cruciate ligament injuries in female alpine ski racers by BR Ellman, EM Holmes, J Jordan, P McCarty – Skiing Trauma and Safety …, 1989 –

Sealed electrical contact assembly and electrical switch made therefrom by DJ Gingerich, PR McCarty, DT Shaffer – US Patent 4,417,106, 1983 – Google Patents

Invalid’s carriage by M Patrick – US Patent 1,605,750, 1926 – Google Patents

Push button closure by DC Stammen, PK McCarty – US Patent App. 29/637,826, 2019 – Google Patents

ATP modification of serotonin-induced contraction of the rat pulmonary artery by …, I Brodsky, PP McCarty – Proceedings of the …, 1997 –

Podium by P McCarty – US Patent App. 11/895,418, 2009 – Google Patents