Resolve to Make This Your CrossFit Year
By Ben Bergeron
I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before: I am not a fan of CrossFit. Not even my wife. She’s been training for years and she hates it when I take her out because she thinks it makes us look like idiots.
But here’s the thing: I don’t hate it. I just think it’s stupid. And if you’re reading this, then you probably agree with me too.
So why do we keep doing it? Why are so many people still trying to get fit and healthy after all these years?
Well, let me ask you this: If there was some magical pill or machine that could make everyone into a bodybuilder overnight, would you want to use such a device?
Of course not! You’d rather stay home and work out. Well, that’s exactly what CrossFit does to its participants. They go out and train hard, often at a high level of intensity, but they don’t actually “work” any harder than most people do while sitting around watching TV all day long.
CrossFit is simply a way for people to get fit without having to put in the time and effort necessary to build muscle mass through regular exercise. It’s a lazy man’s way to fitness.
That’s fine if that’s your goal, but it’s not mine. I want to get real fit, and that means putting in more work than most people are willing to do. It means sweat, pain, and years of dedication.
And this should be your goal too…if you really want to achieve something great in your life. I’ll admit it can be too much for some people, but I also recognize there are a few “hardcore” types out there that have what it takes to achieve great things.
Just think about it…if this whole “
CrossFit craze” was real, then why isn’t your local fire department or the military using this fitness program instead of their own? Or why aren’t they at least recommending CrossFit over other exercise regimens?
I’ll tell you why: because it doesn’t work!
Let’s face it, if you want to achieve real fitness, then you’re going to have to step up and learn to take charge of your own life. Now I’m not saying you should be an obnoxious meathead that picks on anyone that makes you a little uncomfortable…but you should at least have a solid understanding of how your body works and what it takes to achieve your goals.
The best part of getting “old” is that you don’t need to have a reason to start working out (other than avoiding the doctor when possible). However, if you’re in a rut and worried about being fit enough for an upcoming event, then that’s all the more reason to get started today.
So here you have it: my honest thoughts about CrossFit and why I think you should continue to train with me at the firehouse. Make your decision with an open mind and, more importantly, a positive attitude.
See you at the gym!
Subject: Re: Fire at the Ranch!
I think I should have a word with you about your latest article.
What exactly are you trying to accomplish by slandering my business like this?
If you don’t believe in the product, then you shouldn’t be writing about it.
What’s the point of having a “consumer advocate” if all they do is spread lies?
I’m not going to deny that we’ve had a few small fires at the Ranch in the past month. However, it is hardly anything out of the ordinary and certainly not enough to write an alarmist article about! The fact is, when you’re dealing with a lot of electrical machinery (much of which is very old), accidents are going to happen. The fire marshal has come out to the Ranch several times and has not found any reason to condemn the building.
If you check your facts, I’m sure you’ll find that no one has ever died from a fire at the Ranch. In fact, I believe the last fatality at the Ranch was in the 1800s when a patron died from a heart attack after an extended session on one of our stationary bicycles.
Now I’m sure you believe you’re doing a public service by letting people know about this, but you really need to think about the consequences of your actions. By publishing this article, you are potentially putting me out of business. If you do that, then a lot of people are going to lose their jobs.
Have you given any thought to what those folks will do to support their families when they lose their jobs?
I urge you to do some more research before publishing this libelous article. However, if you truly believe what you wrote, then I suppose I will just have to accept the consequences when it destroys my business.
Cross Your Heart Ranch
Subject: Re: Fire at the Ranch!
I’m glad you heeded my warnings and decided not to run the article. If you had, it probably would have destroyed a lot of lives. As I predicted, the fire marshal did find the cause of the fire was faulty wiring in one of the machines in the exercise room.
It was very close to Valentine’s Day so I immediately sent flowers to all the ladies that were visiting on that day. They were very appreciative.
Thanks again for being a friend.
Subject: Staying in Touch
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and after talking with you, I think the military might be a good fit for me. I’m going to sign up next week after I turn 18. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make a difference in this big, scary world.
I just want to say thanks for being such a good influence on me and giving me sound advice over the years. You’re like the brother I never had. I’m going to miss our weekly talks, but I hope we stay in touch.
If you ever need anything, I won’t be far away.
Your friend always,
Subject: re: Staying in Touch
I’m going to really miss our weekly talks too. You were like a little brother to me and I have no siblings so you filled a very special place in my heart. I’m very proud of you and know that you’ll do great things in the military.
Just promise me you’ll come back safe and in one piece.
All my best,
Subject: re: Staying in Touch
It’s been a few years now and I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Just wanted to see how you were doing. I was also wondering if you had managed to find that special someone yet.
I know you’ve been busy lately with your missions, but I do hope you’re taking some downtime to enjoy the smaller things in life from time to time.
I’ve been dating this girl and I really like her a lot. I guess you could say, I’m in love for the first time. She’s beautiful both inside and out.
She makes me very happy. Her name is Claire and she works as a bank teller.
I know what you’re thinking, how could I be with a girl that’s not in the adult entertainment business?
Trust me, I was surprised too, but love is strange and mysterious. You’d find a special someone eventually too if you looked.
Sources & references used in this article:
Strong is the new sexy: Women, CrossFit, and the postfeminist ideal by MS Washington, M Economides – Journal of Sport and …, 2016 – journals.sagepub.com
BLACK RIVER CROSSFIT 2.0 by L RAUN, T BRC – 2018 – blackrivercrossfit.co.za
CrossFit (Cult) ure: a Rhetorical Analysis of Symbolic Convergence Through Digital Media by C Madliger – 2015 – ir.lib.uwo.ca