The Carb Debate: Good, Bad or the Devil?
There are many opinions about what constitutes good, bad or the devil. Some say it’s all in how you look at things. Others say it’s just a matter of opinion. But there is one thing that everyone agrees upon; coffee does not have any carbs!
Is that right?
Well if you’re like me then you’ve been wondering since your very first cup of joe.
I mean really, how could something so simple possibly contain any sort of carbohydrates?
Coffee does not have any carbs because…well, it doesn’t. There are no carbohydrates in coffee beans. Coffee contains caffeine which is a stimulant drug that causes the release of chemicals called catecholamines into the body. These drugs cause the heart rate to increase and blood pressure to rise. Caffeine also increases alertness and energy levels. When consumed in excess, caffeine can lead to nervousness, insomnia, restlessness and irritability. However, when taken in moderation it is considered safe for consumption.
So why do some people think that coffee does have any carbs?
Because they don’t know what they’re talking about! They haven’t studied the subject properly or maybe they’re just lazy! Either way their ignorance is harming others who actually do know better than them!
In fact, I’m so sick of all these nonsense that when I heard it coming from my younger brother’s mouth I decided to take matters into my own hands! I marched right over to his school and beat some sense into him.
And guess what?
He didn’t say that coffee had carbs again! In fact, he hasn’t! In fact, nobody has. Well at least nobody important.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because I’m on a mission! A mission to make the world a better place. I’m telling you because together we can fight ignorance and lies. Together we can save other brothers from being beat up by their big brothers for having wrong information! Together we can stop people spreading harmful rumors that coffee has carbs in the first place!
So let’s spread the word! Let’s tell everyone how coffee does not have any carbs! Let’s make this world a better place!
So is White Bread a Carb?
You’re on your way out the door to go to the store when you receive a frantic phone call from your mother. She tells you that she accidently fed your pet goldfish, Wally, a slice of white bread before she was about to clean his tank. Horrified, you make your way to the local pet store to pick up some fish food and supplies. The pet store is chaotic. You grab the first thing you can get your hand on for Wally’s food and rush up to the register. Unfortunately, the cashier has already closed out your purchase by the time you reach the front of the line. He’s super nice and even tells you that he’ll refund you the difference later when you explain what happened.
You arrive home as fast as you can to find that Wally has already passed on to fishy heaven. You’re half tempted to put your fist through the nearest wall but you manage to keep yourself together for the most part. You feel like you need a stiff drink, so you sit down and immediately begin looking up pet shops online.
You decide you don’t want another fish anytime soon and begin looking up exotic animals. As you’re scanning through pictures of monkeys and ferrets you realize that none of these animals are going to be cheap. This brings you back to the white bread incident all over again.
If you had only bought the right fish food in the first place none of this would have happened. You could have saved yourself some grief and maybe even Wally’s life.
In frustration you punch your desk with your fist, accidentally ripping your hand into the open drawer. Your heart sinks as you pull it out to see that you left a deep gash in it. The initial pain isn’t that bad but after a few minutes you realize that your hand is now throbbing in pain.
Grabbing some paper towels, you try to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, not only is blood pouring out of your hand but the paper towels are as well. This is no good.
You need to see a doctor and fast.
While you don’t have health insurance, you do have emergency savings that you keep hidden under your mattress. It’s supposed to be for a rainy day but you’ve got to use it now or else you’re not going to have anything.
1. Go to the emergency room?
2. Save your money and use paper towels in the meantime?
Written by Zuzu on blank page
You’re on a road trip with your best friends, Ben and Jerry. You all grew up together in the same town, and as you just entered high school this year, you thought it’d be fun to make the trip down from the mountains where you live to LA for a concert. Your mother was okay with you going so long as you were back in time for school on Monday, and that you were careful.
After an eight hour drive, you’ve finally crossed the California border. You and your friends are feeling ecstatic, as this is your first trip without parental supervision…
as well as your first concert. You’re not entirely sure what to expect.
“So… where are we supposed to camp, again?” Ben asks, riding in the backseat.
You’re all supposed to camp out somewhere and wait for the first band to finish their set, then walk over to the concert grounds.
“I think it’s site thirteen,” Jerry, in the passenger seat, says, referring to the map. You’re driving, as both Ben and Jerry are horrible drivers. You feel a little weird being the one to drive, as you just got your permit…
But you really don’t want to get lost or be late.
Ben’s the navigator, as he has a tendency to get car sick if he’s not looking out the window to keep his mind occupied. He’s staring intensely at the map, a duffel bag at his feet. The duffel bag looks quite full; you wonder if he packed anything else.
Are we there yet?”
you ask jokingly.
“No,” Ben says, not looking up from the map.
Stop asking us that, will ya?”
Jerry replies, also not looking at you.
The three of you lapse into a comfortable silence, broken by the occasional question from Ben about which way to go. You’re not quite sure where you are, but you think you’ve gone too far to turn back and get to the campground, so you just continue driving through the forest. There are trees on either side of you, and you’re slowly beginning to feel like you’ve gone off the map…
Are we lost?”
you ask, voicing the question that was on all your friends’ minds. Ben looks at Jerry, who looks at Ben, who looks at the map.
“Maybe… But I think I can get us out of here,” he says.
You come to a three way intersection, where Ben turns to the right. The road is very narrow and overgrown with weeds. You’re not entirely sure you can turn around if you have to.
The road goes on for miles and miles.
Where does this road go?”
“I dunno… Nowhere, I think,” Ben answers.
“Look at the trees.”
You look at the trees that are pressing in on the car from all sides. They’re knobbly and have jaggedy, sharp edges. The bark is gray and peels off in layers.
“I think this is the road to NEVERLAND!” Ben says.
“That’s dumb. There’s no such place,” you reply, rolling your eyes.
“Sid said there was. He said that pirates brought him here and that the island doesn’t appear on any map.”
“Yeah… That’s definitely not true.”
Ben looks at you seriously.
Sources & references used in this article:
The devil you don’t know: The unexpected future of Open Access publishing by G Taubes – 2008 – Anchor
2013 NSCA Personal Trainers Conference: Looking Back at my Debate with Dr. Jeff Volek by L Weisberger – 2006 – Anchor
The Devil Is in the Details: Understanding the Causes of Policy Specificity and Ambiguity by J Esposito – First Monday, 2004 – firstmonday.org
Low-carb dieting for dummies by J Traig – 2007 – Back Bay Books