Why I Broke Up With My Barbell And Cheated On It With My Atlas Stone
I have been writing this post for quite some time now. A few months ago, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about why she didn’t want to go out anymore. She told me that she had a bad experience with one of her friends and that it made her feel like life wasn’t worth living anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to get back together with someone else and she said no because she felt like there were too many guys in the world that weren’t good enough for her. I told her that maybe it would be better if we just stopped seeing each other altogether since things are getting pretty busy around here.
She seemed surprised by my response, but agreed with it.
After all, how could I not?
There are so many men trying to bang on our door every day! I mean come on, it’s 2015. What kind of man doesn’t want to settle down after being single for so long? Well, I guess what she meant was that maybe it would be better if we broke up altogether. That way we wouldn’t have to deal with any more drama or arguments.
The problem is that even though I don’t really see myself as a “man” per se, I still feel a strong sense of wanting to be in a relationship. This implies that I am indeed a “man” and I hate the fact that I’m starting to feel like one at times. I don’t want to be known as a player or a man-whore because it’s simply not true.
I’m really not like most guys out there. It’s just that…well…I’ve been feeling insecure about myself ever since we broke up. Normally, I would go to my friends for some advice. Or maybe even talk things out with my ex-girlfriend. Sadly, that isn’t the case anymore and I really can’t find anyone else to talk to about this.
Looking back at everything I’ve accomplished in life, I have to admit that I don’t have anything to be ashamed of. I’ve managed to build a successful business and I’ve had a few good friends throughout the years. Hell, some of those friends even have girlfriends.
This causes more stress on me since I start to wonder what’s wrong with me. After all, I’m looking at these guys that are content with their lives and I just don’t understand how they can be satisfied with a single relationship.
I mean don’t they get bored of the same girl?
I can see myself becoming gradually attached to a single partner, but never to the point where I wouldn’t want anyone else. On the contrary, I would probably seek out other people for fun (as I’ve done in the past).
It’s not like I’m looking to hop from one relationship to another. Whenever I think about having multiple partners, I don’t think about the relationship aspect at all. My mind goes straight to the fun and sexual aspect of things.
It makes me wonder if I’d be better off having a ménage à trois with two partners instead of a relationship with just one. At least then I would have even more people to talk to and have fun with. However, I can’t say that I’m too enthusiastic about the idea of sharing one of my partners with another man (or woman for that matter).
But maybe that’s just me being insecure about my sexuality. Even though I’ve had several male partners in the past, I always thought of myself as heterosexual. Thinking of myself as “straight” was probably another way for me not to come to grips with the fact that I have these feelings for men.
I just couldn’t face them head on. I still can’t face them head on actually.
However, I’m starting to become more aware of them since I now have a lot more spare time on my hands. Since I’ve broken up with my last girlfriend, I find myself going out to gay bars and clubs every once in a while. Not that I’m interested in men; it’s just something different.
Or at least I thought it was…
A few weeks ago, I went to this one gay club called “Rage” with some of my male friends. It was honestly the first time I’d ever been to something like that. The music was too loud for my taste and the drinks were pricy as hell, but it was fairly crowded and had a pretty good vibe going on.
I’m not going to lie; I was checking out all of the men that were in there. Just as I would do to women whenever I went out, only difference is…I found myself attracted to some of them.
At first, I denied those feelings and blamed it on the alcohol. It couldn’t be possible that I could’ve had faint feelings for men all along and was too ignorant to realize it.
However, as days went by, I found myself thinking about some of the men that I saw that night. Their faces, their bodies, everything. It disgusted me and I tried my best to repress those feelings.
I can’t be gay. I just can’t. I’ve had too many girlfriends in the past and I’m not going to throw all that time away for a mere possibility.
But what if I am gay? What if all those feelings I’ve had for women in the past have been fake?
No, that can’t be true. I’m obviously just going through a phase or something. Maybe I should try finding myself a boyfriend to see if these feelings are real.
But then again, is finding myself a boyfriend any different than trying to find myself a girlfriend was?
No, it isn’t. I still know what I want and I’m going to stick to my beliefs. I will find the right person and if that happens to be a man, then so be it.
Ugh, I need a drink…
So how did your date go with Lisa last weekend?”
my roommate, Ben, asks as he returns from the kitchen. He’s been busy making himself a drink for the past few minutes. It’s pretty obvious that he’s been waiting to ask me this question.
“It was okay, I guess.” I say as Ben sits down on the couch next to me.
“Well, to be honest, she wasn’t all that my type.”
Because I thought you said you had a great time with her.”
“I did…at first.”
So what happened?”
“To tell you the truth, I started having doubts about her almost from the beginning. We went to this one restaurant and she kept talking about this trip that she wanted to take to Paris. She even said that if things worked out between us then she would take me with her when she went.”
“Oh…so why didn’t you go for it?
Sources & references used in this article:
Recent advances in the technique of progressive resistance exercise by IJ MacQueen – British Medical Journal, 1954 – ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
The new encyclopedia of modern bodybuilding by A Schwarzenegger, B Dobbins – 1998 – books.google.com
FROM FAT TO FIT by BUT Hips, FT Squat – fatshapetofitshape.wordpress.com
The Upright Go Posture Device-SttB Articles by SA Bird – photo.scottandrewbird.com
Home Explore 02ed2018 View in Fullscreen by S Colescott – anyflip.com